NeedleDreams' posts with tag: venting
Please, someone give me a break.  I was happy because I have been tatting the last 3 days or so. The movement is helping the Raynaud's on my right hand a little. I was refilling the hot water bag and I spilled some of the boiling water over my left hand. Burnt 3 knucles and the back of my palm. Because my hands were a little numb I didn't feel it a lot. But now blisters are coming out over my middle and index fingers. The worst is the middle. Pain, pain, pain... I use a finger protector over my middle finger but even the protector is painful, so I wont tat until the pain is gone. This is the doily I'm tatting. I'm not sure if the colors are well balanced. Anyway.... Now I'll leave it aside.  Any suggestion of what can I do for these long nights now that I can't tat or crochet?
 I want to finish a small doily I started and I can't even take the shuttle on my hand without having pain. I barely feel my right hand. It's extremely cold and painful. Also my toes are cold and painful. It's all because I have Raynaud's Symdrome. Raynaud's Syndrome is something that a lot of Lupus patients have also. This is the definition according to Web MD: Normally the body narrows (constricts) these blood vessels when the skin gets cold to help conserve body heat. Stress or exposure to cold temperatures may trigger an exaggeration of this normal body function. The fingers and hands (or, more rarely, the feet, nose, or ears) may turn pale, white, and later blue and feel cold to the touch. Sometimes fingers or toes feel numb and tingly, as if they have "fallen asleep," or they may become painful and swollen. Most cases of Raynaud's phenomenon have no known cause. However, some people may develop Raynaud's as a result of frostbite, an injury, or a disease (such as lupus, scleroderma, atherosclerosis, or rheumatoid arthritis). Vibrations from power tools or drugs that affect blood flow (such as nicotine, caffeine, and cold medications that contain pseudoephedrine) may also trigger Raynaud's phenomenon. Treatment for Raynaud's phenomenon focuses on preventing attacks by avoiding cold, stress, and other triggers. If attempts to prevent attacks do not work, prescription medication may be helpful. It only hurts me a lot during winter and of course when I have way too much stress. But last winter and now this one is hurting as hell! I find some aleve using a bag of hot water wrapped in a towel and apply it on the area. The pain diminish for a few minutes. But I can't tat and put the bag back and on and on because I get tire! So please let me cry a little okay?  Now I was reading that there's medicine for it? Hmm... Never heard of this. Will have to ask to a doctor when I'm in PR. Here in Egypt I don't find doctors good enough for me.
 I'm not a very "affectionate" with my family. I mean, we're not a family were we kiss when greeting each other, our jokes can sound offensive to people that doesn't know us well, we discuss a lot... You can say we're pretty similar to The Simpsons... But even we all that I miss them. I have been a year and 2 weeks here in Egypt and though I love my husband and he loves me and please me in everything he can, I feel lonely. I miss my goofy sisters and my controlling mother... My "strange" father and even some friends. I miss Rioki (Naida's cat) and even if Tuqui is no more in the house I miss him.  I miss having my things. Even if they're not a lot because 2 years ago I lost everyt hing I had. But I managed last year to buy some things and got my shuttles back. I have with me here some of them (the cheap, common ones) here and I pass the time tatting with them. I got some threads and beads here but other materials that are common and easy to buy like chenille (pipe cleaners), good embroidery threads, ribbons, bangles ( I use them for suncatchers)... In general I miss a shop like Michael's, JoAnn or Hancock Fabrics. Even if I don't go and buy, I loved to spend time on the shop looking at all the novelties crafts and new materials and getting ideas for new projects.  I miss the weekend trips and family dinners. Sundays, after church usually mom, sisters an BIL went to a restaurant to eat or spent time at Letty's house cooking and eating. Or spending the weekend at dad's home. I miss the easy life. The fact that I don't have a language barrier. That if I want to go to a shop I tell mom and we go; not having to depend of public transportation. I even miss my walker. Egypt definitively is not for a person with mobility impairment! There are almost no ramps. Streets have high steps and buildings usually don't have elevators. Even if this sounds strange... I miss the postal service!!! Right now I'm very angry because 2 envelopes containing some of my tatting and I sent at the beginning of October never arrived and mom sent me another envelope like a month ago and hasn't arrived and it contained information about my health plan! And everything is so expensive to send. I made a little box to send to my father and is still here; one because there's no money and second because my husband still can't grasp the importance for me to do this. He even don't know how to write a letter, where for me writing a letter is an art! I miss so many things... Call me materialistic, but I grew up in a family that, even if we didn't have a lot of money, we keep up with technology, had an excellent education and we were encourage to search for the best. Egypt is still a primitive country. It's beautiful and people are friendly. It's a great place for vacation, but no for me. I can't live here permanently. For all these reasons and some more, like my health. Not having treatments here is taking its toll; but I don't want to talk about it anymore. I guess I'm just having early Winter Blues.
 Lovely image by Mark Myers
I think all of you know I'm a tatter, which is a person dedicated to work Tatting Lace. But today I kinda get tickled off with the word. Why? Because I have no idea why people mistake Tatting with Tattooing!!!!! Geesh! They are 2 different things. Often when I'm looking for tatting photos on the search engines I get a huge mix of the tatting lace and people making tattoos. Why people don't learn the correct term for their profession? Sometimes I'm in a random chat (which is not frequently) and when people ask what I do they say "Cool, you're a tattoo artist" Eh, excuse me.... I'm not a tattooer. *sigh* Ok, this conversation have no point. It's just that I get "angry" with people not using the correct words. English is not my 1st language and I'm all the time trying to use the correct words, why others who English is their 1st language don't do the same? BTW... I went to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary to see if I was correct and yes, I'm correct. Tatting is the lace, therefore tatters. Tattooing is the art of skin drawing and therefore tattooers. Now, back to my regular schedule! lol
Well, I'm up to my hair with Yahoo!
First my groups are gone! Then some of my recent comments. Now I can't delete my own posts. And we're not yet in the transition! I don't want to hear anything else from Yahoo. If I can't transfer all the blog, fine! The pics... I have most of them and will be repairing the links as I can. I don't care anymore. Blogging is suppose to be fun, not stressful! I don't do well with stress, really! My Lupus gets aggravated with stress and this week I've been feeling ill. So, please no more talk about Yahoo. I'll start from scratch from now on. 
 | I suck! | Oct 8, '07 12:48 AM
for everyone |
I think I'm not going to sell anymore. A lot of "Oh" and "Ah" but no business. Specially on EBay and Etsy. I don't understand, my prices are not high at all. Most of the time are unpublished original designs, so you won't see the pattern anywhere... I think it's just luck or good skills as businessman. Oh, well... Tomorrow the bids will end. I'll pay the fees and save the items in a box among my other stuff. They'll end been giving away as gifts. The books... Well, I just think I'll keep the patterns and if someone wants a copy then I'll give it. Okay, I think I should stop. I guess I woke up this morning a little depress and with low self-esteem. Don't you love when you can self-diagnose! 
I was talking with my mom right now and she told me that she gave away my Tuqui. I lost, AGAIN, something dear to me. I didn't hug him for a last time... I hate to be in this f***ing country. I hate to loose everything over and over again.l Why I can't be normal? I'm so f***ing angry. And this is something totally different from what I was originally angry. I think I'll take a pill for sleeping and be numb again.
 Have you ever had a  DUH moment? Well, I just had one. My pc have been acting weird and I had to reformat this morning again the C Drive and after that the D drive. The problem was a Trojan that got into the D drive. Anyway, this time I transfer and move everything important from drive to drive before reformating the drives. Spent all day doing this but now almost everything is normal on the pc. I got rid of the Trojan. But this is not my DUH. I was banging my head on the walls because the 1st time I reformated the HD a couple of days ago I didn't backup my original patterns and others that I have been collecting thru the net. But those from the net I can get back. And my original patterns are all in notebooks that I have with me here. But it takes me a L O N G time to write them all (over 150 patterns). A few minutes ago I noticed my flash drive on the coffee table and THERE was the DUH moment. I have on the flash drive at least 4 of my books plus some patterns. YES!!!! It's not a lot but it surely helps me.  So now I'll dance my watusi. See what happends at 2 am with me? LOL
Well, I haven't blog in a long time. Things in life haven't been easy lately. I'm feeling better after the big heart scare. But I still have the occasional chest pain and I have been very depress and tire. I even lost the interest in the blog. *sigh* Also my sister Naida was hospitalized a day before I got out of the hospital with an acute asthma attack. She had some asthma when she was a girl but then the asthma disappeared. They started again when she started to smoke!!! She doesn't smoke anymore but those few years of smoking had affected her and has asthma again. So because she was hospitalized the same day she was going to start permanent in a job she was fired! Geesh! Now we're dealing with her and she's returning home, back to Puerto Rico. So this week we have been resolving some money problems and making arrangement so she can come home. Now mom will have two asthmatic girls at home again. Thank God that at least I'm receiving the Social Security pension and I will be able to help mom and now my younger sister to get her medicines and to pay part of the bills. Like the old proverb says: "When it rains, it pours!"  To keep my depression at bay I have been tatting my entries for the Palmetto's Tat-Day. I'll scan then later when I feel a little less tire.
Well, I've been trying not to sucumb in this depression but things are so difficult. I'm so tire of having Pen-Husbands. You know, the pen-pals but instead of pals I have a tendencie of marry them and then be apart from my husbands. Is it that I ask too much? I mean, does romance really excist? I hate so much the romantic movies where they show how the girl suffer because has a cruch in a man and he doesn't notice her and wham!, one day he notice her an then he sweep her off her feet. I love so much my husband but how can I keep a relationship from so far away if he doesn't show a sign of interest? I know that he's busy. That usually he works over 16 hours per day. But how long it takes to send a note via e-mail or leave an IM in the messanger even if I'm not online. I just want to cry and cry. I feel so lost, so abandone. People keep saying that I'm beautiful, that I'm a very good person, that I'm talented; but what does it means? All I see around my life is dissapointment, pain and people interested in me for one purpose (most of the time because I'm American). I'm sorry but this is one of those days that only death seem so sweet... I have no joy in life lately and nobody seems to notice and do something about it. Well, at least I can write here all I want, anyway nobody reads...
| Depress | Dec 30, '05 1:52 PM
for everyone |
 Oh gosh! I have been very depress today.
Why? Well, may be the Xmas Blues. I don't know. One thing is for sure, I have been crying hidden from mom. I received today a catalog from Handy Hands and just the look of it made me so depress. Geesh. It's so hard for me to realize that I lost everything I had. I was very proud of my library. Not only I have over 500 books of diverse literature but over 300 books/magazines of laces and over 60 shuttles. I still have with me like 5 clovers and 2 aeros shuttles and the Atlanta IOLI shuttles (2 of them) and most of all my NATA itty bitty shuttle. But anyway, if you are a tatter you know that to have a shuttle collection with beautiful shuttles is a must. I had old shuttles (1920's), silver, brass, exotic woods and custom-made shuttles with my name and NATA #. At least the shuttles are in the great hands of my friend Tonya and she told me that I will get them back. But I don't know nothing about the books. Will be very difficult for the new owner to get rid of them. And I think that if it's a great tatter then I'll let her/him to have them and enjoy them a lot.  It's so difficult even to tat. I was so used that when I was planning to tat something I just need to get a few books were I know I can find ideas for patterns and after a couple of hours browsing I'll find the perfect pattern. Now I only depend of the online patterns, tho they are hundred of them for free, you can't find the same amount of patterns than in a book library as huge as mine. May be one day I'll get back all of my over 300 books and 60 shuttles. Something that will be very, very hard... The last inventory had an estimated value of $4000 of books and almost $1500 on shuttles. Now I really need back my SSD pension! And the finished projects. All those beauties that I received during the years from the different exchanges! Oh God! That's something I will NEVER recuperate. I guess I learn my lesson: NEVER trust anyone with your personal business (affairs). Be very malicious and don't trust everyone. Now back to my crying corner.
Okay... This is the most bizarre accident happend to me with a tatted piece. Wanna hear my story?! Well, today is a glorious day in Carolina, PR. Sunny and a warm winter breeze (around 80 degrees!). So I went to the backyard to tat outside. Yes, I'm working on my Spencer doily... Well, the telephone rang and I left everything in a small table outside and went to answer the phone. It was from the Coorporative Foment (Fomento Corporativo) returning my call. I'm trying to get the Puerto Rican Artisan License.  Anyway, I was in the phone like for 8-10 minutes discussing what I need to present to the person that gives the licenses. while on the phone I heard a dreadful sound... A jingle bell!!! Not a Xmas jingle bell. The jingle bell in the collar of the neighbor's cat! Well, my mom live in a small townhouses community. Her apartment in on the 1st floor and the neighbor with the "precious" cat lives in the next building on the 2nd floor. Well, to continue with the story... It appears that the cat was watching me from the back balcony as I was tatting and seeing a huge ball of thread (the bulky 1000 yds Aunt Lydia's) he got very interesting. So taking the opportunity that I went inside to answer the phone he came down from his balcony, to the fence into mom's backyard. Do I have to tell you the rest!!!  The ball is not too tangle and I think I can save most of it, but the doily... Oh my precious doily!!! Ruined!!! The cat had a blast with it and left it in an unrecognizable state.  Oh my!!! What I do now? Will I start it again? I don't know... For today I'll just cry. I'm not even going to scan it so you can see what a horrible tangle and mess of thread and kitty hair it is. Hmm... I consider myself a Cat-Lover, but this time I was in a state that if I catch him I was going to strangle him! Bad, bad kitty!!! Oh well, is not his fault to be so curious... 
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